End of Friendships

It's inevitable. Changes in viewpoints, hurtful words exchanged in the heat of the moment, unfulfilled expectations; they all contribute to increasing the rift in a friendship. In spite of being friends since early childhood, the friendship can still break and in my case, it did. It hurts my heart terribly. I can feel the cracks spreading, just like a crack on the windshield which starts off as a chip from a small stone. I want to cry but I am steeling my heart against it. I wish her well. However, I can't deny the fact that I am hurt.

I regret the words I said to her. I wish I could take them back, all of them. I wish I could rewind the time and reword every single thought and be more understanding. Unfortunately, I can't. I have already damaged whatever fragile frame the friendship had with my utter carelessness in handling her heart.

She has changed for the better. She seems really happy in her pictures and her emails are upbeat though distant. They are usually short and do not offer much information about her life. Yes, I'm cast out. I'm sad but I will have to move on. That's life.

I am thankful for my family here. My kids and husband. The friends I still have, even though they are miles away and busy with their lives, we still pop into each other's minds occasionally. I know they will listen if I need an ear. She's no longer one of them. Never had been for a long time. The ones remaining understand me better. They do not offer judgement nor do they offer advices as if they've walked in my shoes before. It's just a handful but we've been holding hands through our trials and tribulations. I hope the ties that bond us will never sever. Since this painful episode, I have vowed to tread carefully on matters close to the heart. No longer do I speak my mind without getting all the details and if I do, I aim to be careful with my speech. I was such a brute. I don't want to be that anymore.