Relationships - Changing To Keep Your Marriage

When I was single, I used to think that divorces were caused by simple reasons: infidelity. Now that I am older (and perhaps a little bit wiser), I am bewildered by the complexities inherent in a relationship. What makes a spouse stray? What makes a spouse give up on the marriage? Is the marriage not worth fighting for? Has either party tried to change for each other in order to save the crumbling marriage? I don't know ... I have been in such situations before. They were painful processes but we emerged stronger and more humble from the experiences.

Here are some reasons why marriages fall apart:
1. Infidelity. This is a no-brainer. I'd dump my spouse the moment I find out he's physically cheating on me. I wonder though - do men view physical infidelity as less of a violation of the marriage bond?

2. Pride. This is an ambiguous word. I'd say - too proud to change. I guess this is what you mean by "irreconcilable differences". Nobody wants to change for the other. "Accept me as who I am." Now, this phrase does not apply to all situations. Prior to marriage, if your personalities clash, you get to use your get-out-of-jail card, but not after tying the knot. You don't get that same freedom. By marrying someone, you essentially are saying that your lives belong to each other. You will try to build a life together to the best of your abilities. I feel an analogy coming: Each person is a shapeless amoeba and both of you, together, are fitted into a small dot. As one changes, the other one adapts. This goes on till either one of you dies. So ... when one of you refuses to change to fit the other person, the circle is no longer perfect. What I'm saying is: pride is the downfall of a marriage. Some think they are okay the way they are. However, I look at them and think, "I'd get out if I were her." I want to shake their shoulders and ask them if they have ever reflected upon their own actions to see if they had hurt their partners invariably. But, sadly, I can't. I can only watch. Besides, I have a feeling that they are too proud to want any advice.

3. Stress. Whether it's from jobs, health, family ... we all experience some degree of stress. The thing is to make a pact with yourself that you will determine to keep the marriage despite of the stresses. In such situations, your heart wants to run away to hide but your head should keep your feet grounded. Often times, we give in to our hearts and make reckless decisions, whether it's buying a product or speaking our minds, we act before thinking. That's not good. Learn to recognise that stresses will always abound. It's your will to stick around which makes a marriage weather the storm.

Phew ... my eyes are burning. I want to write but my brains are too foggy to think now. I need to sit down and read my book but it's hard to concentrate b/c of the kids ... and distractions, like this blog. Yeah, blame it on the "blog" who can never contest my words. :-P