Growing Up Children

I looked at my boys recently and I felt sad. They are growing up especially J. J used to be a cute baby looking kid. Now, he's longer and taller. He doesn't need the step stool to turn on the water. He doesn't look like a baby (to me anyway) ... I am sad. I wish I could slow down time and keep this moment forever. J still likes to sleep with me. He likes to play with my hair prior to falling asleep. He likes to snuggle up to me and even sit on my lap. He likes to play with me and just ... well, just likes being my baby.

I don't look forward to seeing him grow up into a teenager. I am afraid of losing that bond. He'll have his own friends, his own interests and I wonder if he would confide in me like he does right now. Currently, he tells me what goes on in his life. He's willing to share ... will he lose his generosity as he gets older? Will he get cynical? *sigh*

I had the same fear with L. L was never as affectionate as J so the transition wasn't as painful. But J ... I love hugging him. I love talking with him before saying good night. Feeding him can be a chore but it can be enjoyable sometimes too because he is such a happy child.

I don't know why I'm feeling blue right now. I am just afraid of losing that innocence. *sigh*